Monday, March 24, 2014

7 Fairy Tales That Should Be Made Into Disney Movies



Having finally just watched Frozen, I've been inspired to think of more fairy tales that Disney can turn into movies. Sure, most of the classics have already been made, but there's plenty of material out there! However, alterations have always been a necessary part of Disney's adaptations because so many of these fairy tales are plain messed up in their original form. For example, there's version of The Sleeping Beauty where the prince has, ahem, "relations" with the comatose princess.

So how should these stories be changed? For starters, the encouraging trend in Disney and Pixar movies is to have female protagonists who are active and engaging, which is a great thing as I've mentioned here before. Moreover, for these heroines, romance is merely a sidequest as opposed to the end goal. Perhaps taking a cue from Studio Ghibli films, Disney movies are no longer about beautiful-but-boring heroines acting out a 1950s tween's dream life of finding the perfect boy.

As long as we spunkify the heroine by at least 30%, turn the tragic ending upside down, and commission a Tony-winning composer to write a few songs, these following adaptations are sure to be a hit!


1) The Six Swans



Synopsis:
Princess must weave 6 special shirts to save brothers who have been turned into swans by evil witch stepmother. Oh, and she can't talk or laugh while completing that task. Oh, and people start to think she's a witch and plot to burn her at the stake.

Problem:
Mute heroine brings up The Little Mermaid problem.

Modern Adaptation:
Give her a different disability, such as blindness. Make the heroine cocksure and bratty, a welcome change from the "adorkable" princesses we've seen as of late. Center the story around her relationship with her brothers. Kind of like Frozen, except instead of Elsa, you have 6 dudes. Maybe they were very protective of her when growing up, but now, it's up to her to save them.

Theme:
The powerful (and complex) relationship between sisters and brothers. And girls can save boys too (and not just because they want to marry them).


2) The Twelve Dancing Princesses



Synopsis:
Twelve beautiful princesses go to a magical lalaland every night to dance, causing them to go through dancing shoes like kleenexes. This is costing the king many monies, so he wants mystery solved. Old war vet, with the help of an invisibility cloak, figures out the truth, earns big reward, and marries eldest princess.

Problem:
Story kind of comes off as an indictment against young women and their frivolous, spendthrift ways.

Modern Adaptation:
Cut down the number of princesses from 12 to around 5, and make the eldest one the protagonist. Make the king a recluse (known as the Mad King) who has banned dancing in his kingdom because his beloved deceased wife was a great dancer. Princesses haven't seen their father since they were very young and they kind of hate him because of all the stories they hear. One day, they discover a portal to that magical dancing world, which is actually a world created by the faint happy memories of the king, which he has magically preserved to protect from being consumed by his own insanity. Slowly, the princesses discover more about their maligned father and are able to save him. And they have a fabulous time dancing while they're doing it.

Theme:
Finding out that your parents are more than what you thought they were.


3) The Red Shoes



Synopsis:
A stuck-up village girl named Karen decides to flout social convention by wearing flashy red shoes to church. Shoes start dancing on their own, forcing her to beg an executioner to chop her feet off. But those dastardly shoes, her bloody amputated feet in them and all, continue to haunt her until she truly repents for her haughty ways. Then she dies blissfully.

Problems:
Everything.

Modern Adaptation:
Unsalvageable. My mistake.


4) The Nightingale



Synopsis:
Emperor of China loves nightingale's song, but becomes enamoured with a mechanical version. He forgets about the real bird and lets it go. But when emperor is about to die, the bird returns to him and saves his life with its beautiful song.

Problem:
Lack of a dramatic arc. High potential for Orientalist racist nonsense.

Modern Adaptation:
A mechanical singing nightingale? That sounds like something that would happen in a steampunkish version of old China, so change it to that setting. Change from emperor to empress. And it's not only nightingales that are being mechanized, but also artisans and farmers and solders. Heroine has to guide her kingdom through this exciting but unsettling period. High potential for tech jokes. Make fun of Google bus?

Theme:
How to reconcile the advantages and dehumanizing effects of technology.


5) Vasillisa the Beautiful



Synopsis:
Russian story that's reminiscent of Cinderella. Vasillisa has a cool animated doll that can do a lot of hard labour. The famous Baba Yaga (the witch that lives in a hut with chicken legs) makes life hard for poor Vasillisa as well. But she is able to overcome her wicked stepmother, stepsisters, and Baba Yaga, and eventually makes her way to the city.

Problem:
Too similar to Cinderella.

Modern Adaptation:
Turn into heroine-led action movie. Russian fairy tales are really cool, but Disney will probably only take one shot at it. Therefore, this story will have to incorporate all the most famous elements of Russian folklore. So insert the Firebird (Cinderelly didn't have to fight no firebird) and Koschei the Immortal as well into an awesome thriller of a story that celebrates the uniqueness of Russian culture.

Theme:
Russian stories are really kickass.


6) The Matchstick Girl



Synopsis:
Beggar girl sells matches in the winter. Before freezing to death, she lights her last few matches, seeing wonderful sights before succumbing to the bitter cold.

Problem:
Holy moly, is this depressing.

Modern Adaptation:
Put some Dickensian meat on the bones of the story. Heroine can be an orphan who is being exploited by Big Fire. She survives her day to day life solely on her wits. Kind of like a female version of Aladdin. Fervently believes that she has a loving grandmother somewhere in the city and wants to find her. Disney has never done Dickens before (though it has done 19th century novelists before in Victor Hugo with The Hunchback of Notre Dame), so here's their chance!

Theme:
How to survive and remain a good person in a big, mean city that wants to exploit you for money.


7) Rumpelstiltskin



Synopsis:
New queen has to spin straw into gold for the king. Some gnome named Rumpelstiltskin helps her out but then demands her first born child. She is able to keep her child because she guesses his name.

Problem:
Father is kind of a real big jerk.

Modern Adaptation:
What if the queen somehow gained the ability to spin gold from straw from Rumpelstiltskin? The story could take place after the traditional happy ending of the fairy tale. The heroine is immensely popular and powerful because of her magical ability, but she is deeply unhappy because she knows that people only like her for her wealth. Plus, life's no fun when gold is literally always at your fingertips. So she decides to escape her unrewarding life to seek adventure outside. Kind of like Aladdin from Princess Jasmine's point of view.

Theme:
Mo money mo problems.


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